I found out that yes, I was pregnant again after the miscarriage. But, it was a "chemical pregnancy," which just means that I miscarried really quickly. My doctor feels that these recurrent miscarriages are probably permanent because of the damage done to my reproductive system by the cancer and the treatment. I'm still getting pregnant, so I'm obviously able to get pregnant, just not stay pregnant. The doctor is suggesting fertility medications to help the baby to "stick."
We are so torn about what to do and we would really love some advice from other people living out the quiverfull conviction. On one hand, we are just talking about medication, not artificial insemination or anything. There are several parts in the Bible which discuss medication, and most Christians use various types on a regular basis. On the other hand, we have never planned to interfere by preventing a pregnancy. . . wouldn't it be hypocritical to interfere now that we aren't getting what we want? Or is it reasonable to use medication to correct a medical problem, even if it deals with fertility?
When I told my husband what the doctor had said he cried harder than I've ever seen him cry before, but considering I've only seen him cry twice before I guess that isn't saying much (well I'm not counting when we were kids and he would cry after getting hurt or something). I don't know if he was upset about me being so upset, the miscarriage, or the prospect of not having more children. . . probably all three. But, my husband is notoriously stoic - a rare full fledged grin sets my heart pounding, and this outward display of sorrow has left me with this almost hysterical need to please him even though I know I can't fix this problem on my own. To be completely honest I feel like I've failed him and I can hardly bring myself to look him in the eyes.
I know I am being ungrateful. I have two wonderful little girls and we are so blessed in so many ways. But we have such a strong desire for more children that I just don't know what to do. Any advice would really be welcome!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
Ashley,
I don't have any solid answers for you. I would encourage you to pray and to search the Bible for answers. Be sure to weigh any advice you do get against God's Word!
I want to encourage you by saying that even if you are never able to carry another baby to term, it is obvious that you have a heart for God and for your family. If you are doing your utmost for them, that is all that God expects. Since you are quiverfull minded, I know you understand that you really do not have any control over your fertility. God is able to do "immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine" and you can rest assured that he is big enough no matter what your future holds!
Don't be afraid to cry to him and even to be angry and yell... ask for what it is you want! Yes, he already knows your heart, but I believe he also expects us to be open and honest with him. It's along the same lines of telling your husband you love him, even tho you know he already knows.
I'll be praying for/with you as you struggle through this time.
Proud to be able to call you a "sister".
In Him,
~kjl
Kristin
www.kjllovemylife.blogspot.com
P.S. Thanks for your comment on my blog... I didn't even think about the fact that I'd had two "poop" stories in two days. LOL Thankfully, Shiloh is none the worse for the wear. :)
Ashley, since we all believe that a child is a child from the first day of conception, I just can't see how it would be a bad thing to do all you could to keep that child alive in your womb. Knowing you can do something to bring that little life into the world is a precious thing - I think a lot of couples don't have that option and would love to.
God bless you and your husband. It's obvious you love Him and want only to please Him.
Love,
Becca
Hi Ashley,
My sixth pregnancy was marked with bleeding from day one. I remember crying one day thinking "Lord, please let me keep my baby, I'm already attached to him!" - this was after the doctor had told me that there was nothing else that he could do to allow me to carry the baby to term. They ended up putting me on progesterone suppositories (probably too much information), which made the bleeding stop some what. I guess I always looked at this as I had already conceived. I believed that this was a child the moment that conception happened...would I deny any of my other children medical attention? Perhaps there are those who would disagree with my decision, I don't know. I will echo Kristine's note to you that it is obvious that your heart is for God and His ways. We will be praying for you and your family--
Tracy
I too have no answers for you. I am fairly new to the QF conviction. But know that I will be praying for you as you and your husband pray and discuss what you need to do.
God bless,
Sarah
www.homeschoolblogger.com/OhioSarah
That is a difficult decision to make.
I agree that prayer is the best place to start but I know you have already started there!
I don't know if you've read my QF story but I have had 3 miscarriages. It turned out I was having them due to hormone imbalances. My hormones needed correcting so I work on that . I don't use a chemical form I use a natural alternative. I do not feel wrong about it because something was wrong with my body and I believe God gives us wisdom in dealing with health issues. There isn't always a solution for medical problems but when there is I feel it is worth looking into to see if it is safe and effective without being controlling. I feel that artificial conception is too much, but maintaining a pregnancy ALREADY conceived is another thing altogether. I don't claim to understand the why's of it all but I do my best to keep my body in order and trust Him for the result after that. i have an acquaintance that after having had several children began to have miscarriages. I think it was 5 in a row? She went for testing and they discovered a blood clotting problem that was causing the baby not to implant properly. The prescription was one baby aspirin per day. Her next baby carried full term.:-) It's not wrong to try to save the life of your child whether they are already born or still in the womb! Life is life!
There is my 2 cents! I hope it doesn't add any confusion. Be at peace, pray and ask the Lord to show you both His best for you!
Blessings from a fellow sister in the trenches!
Hi Ashley - I am so sorry for your broken hearts! I don't know your history, but from what you've said, I don't believe it is hypocritical to use medication to help here. If the body is ill, we need medication sometimes to get well and to function the way our body is designed to function. I see no difference in this situation. This is certainly not the same as trying to prevent God's blessings - rather you are helping your body function the way God designed it, so that you can receive a blessing from the Lord should He decide to send one. This is not controlling the situation - this is simply taking care of your body. Yes, He is aware of every detail of your situation, and He could choose to fix it without the use of medicine, but I believe that God uses the medical field for his purposes also, and He may choose to heal you this way.
You must do what you and your husband feel the Lord leading you to do, so bathe your decision in much prayer. It sounds like you are already searching out God's Word in the matter.
I will be praying that He would ease your hearts and show you both the way that He desires you to go.
Blessings,
Nancy
Ashley,
I am in the same boat as you. I can get pregnant almost each month but do not have the ability to stay pregnant. We tried 4 rounds of Clomid and we were not blessed with a pregnancy. So we have decided to just stop and put this in Gods hands and allow my body to rest. Maybe in a year or so we'll try it again.
We don't feel that we were taking power away from God, as Clomid induces ovulation which is a natural thing. Its very difficult to think that we may not be able to add to our family by birth as we have only one child who is almost 6.
Last summer before we started any of this we started the adoption process. Adoption alone takes so long but I know that God sees me and will not forget His daughter!
I'll be praying for you and if you feel like talking some more you can email me personally.
Blessings and prayers!
Jolene
http://odellsat.blogspot.com/
Hi Ashley,
In my mind,this situation should be viewed as using medication, just as you would for another ailment. I do not find it to be an un-natural intervention like some of the other infertility treatments. I mean, you are clearly able to get pregnant, as you said. I see no reason why it would be wrong to attempt to help your child survive. It is no different than giving medication to one of your girls when they are ill. The child you are helping just happens to be still inside your womb. But of course, he/she is still your child just the same as the others.God can do anything, and sometimes he helps us through the aid of other people such as doctors. I of course recommend that you search the Bible, and consult with your husband in this matter. I will be praying for you and your family during this time.Please feel free to contact me if you wish to discuss this further, and I will be checking in!
God Bless You!
Jenni at:
http://www.thefullquiverhomeschoolhouse.wordpress.com
What a spot to be in. This must be so trying for you both.
Honestly. If it were me, I would take medication to make a pregnancy 'stick' in a heartbeat. I see a *huge* difference between 'forcing' fertility (ie. IVF or procedures similar) and taking medication to correct a medical problem (in your case, being able to keep your pregnancy)brought on by a disease or condition (in your case, cancer and the resulting treatment)
I hope that doesn't sound cold and clinical. I don't mean it too...I just wanted to get into the meat of the matter...is it wrong to take meds to keep a pregnancy viable? No. I would say not. It's not different than taking medication to lower high blood pressure, or anti-depressents for ppd.
If the difference between a 'sticky' pregnancy or another miscarriage is a fairly simple medication...take the medication!
Hth =)
Ashley,
I 2004, at the age of 27, I was hospitalized with a life threatening illness. I was in ICU for a week, and came out of the hospital with a very broken down body. I became pregnant right away, and God amazingly brought me and baby through a REALLY ROUGH pregnancy. After, that, though I had two more miscarriages (my first had been twins in my fourth month of pregnancy). I went in for testing and was told that my body was giving up. I was told I was going into early menopause, and was given the option of taking medications to help. We were NOT QF at that time, but I remember a friend saying to me, "If we have a broken arm, we go and get it fixed." I felt peace about doing what I could to see if my body could be enouraged to do what it was suppose to do again. For me, the answer was hormone support, and I became pregnant the first month! That little blessing is now 12 months old, and I firmly believe the Lord used my treatment to bring about that blessing in our lives! I have, since his birth, had 4 more miscarriages. I am not sure why, but even as I grieve these losses, I can trust the Lord in His plan. If He opens the door for me to see a need for more medical treatment, I will more than likely do it again....unless He shows me otherwise.
I am not telling you what I think you should do, but thought I would share just a bit of my story. I am praying for you! I know it is a tough call, but I truly believe the Lord will lead you on in peace with His will.
Blessings!
Tina
Ashley,
My daughter in law has a heart shaped uterus and requires a stitch in her cervix in order for her not to go into premature labor. She's lost a set of twins
(06)and a single baby (07) and was consumed by grief. Fortunately they discovered the cause of her problems and was able to stitch her up with the third pregnancy. I am very grateful for the technology we have today and thank God each time I get to hold my grandson!!
You are so very young and the Lord has plenty of time to heal your body. If I were in your place I would definitely do all that I could to sustain a pregnancy.
Since I am an older mom my hormone levels are very out of whack and I must use progesterone cream and herbs just to have a cycle at this point. I am still praying that we will have more children. At 41 I'm hoping for 10 or more years of fertility, but realistically, it looks a bit grim.
Praying that the Lord would grant you and your husband His peace concerning this matter.
Blessings! Kris
hi Ashley,
thought i'd post my .02 since lots of the other qf mamas are...
after six healthy full term great pregnancies in 12 years of marriage, we lost a little baby last may. i was only about 8 weeks pregnant, but we had told everyone and i was devastated - just started spotting, and got advice, got progesterone suppositories (100 mg) but it was too little too late and baby was lost. I was scared to get pg again, but God was faithful and just gave us a new baby right away (in july?) after i had already gone to see a nfp friendly doctor who was willing to work with charting to figure out what the problem was... I started spotting with this baby, too - but i immediately went to my doctor's as a walk in patient, waited three hours till someone would prescribe me a bigger dose of progesterone (250 mg this time) - then i went to the pharmacy and i told them i couldn't wait till the next day, so they gave me some ?prometrium? to tide me over...
the spotting went away and i'm 38 weeks pregnant right now...
i think if the problem is that i'm 34 now and i need progesterone to sustain a pgcy, i will do it. Because i don't want to lose a baby bcz of this - and progesterone won't artificially prolong my fertility, it just protects any babies that may be conceived, which for me is the clincher. i never want to lose another baby. I know i will lose my fertility some day, and i'm okay with that - it's God's plan and design. but i would look into progesterone as an early step in preventing another miscarriage. it helped me..
love
stephanie in canada
Post a Comment